Why be in such a Rush
I have been in pre-transition for 5 years now and in that time I have spent many hours watching and reading other peoples transition stories from guys all around the world… maybe too much time sometimes. What I kept coming across was the different transition stages just weren’t happening fast enough for some.
I know that waiting for appointments is the most time consuming of them all. Waiting for that very first appointment to turn up on your doorstep, watching the postman’s every move hoping that they bring the letter you have been waiting for for 2 years. Being so happy that you are finally on the road to doing something about how you’re feeling, after bottling it up for years, is both exhilarating and exhausting.
Seeing people constantly questioning that their appointment is taking too long to turn up, baring in mind that they may have only visited their GP 6 months previously for referral, can be frustrating when a lot of people out there may have been waiting years for their initial appointment. The same can be said for people waiting for subsequent appointments that may already be on hormone treatment. Be thankful for what you have because there are many people out there who don’t have it, or have had to jump through hoops to come anywhere close to a GIC. Treasure each moment, each change, each new facial hair growth, your voice breaking… embrace these changes rather than complaining about things not happening fast enough. As a human race we complain far too much. Sometimes it’s better to let it play out. There are, of course, exceptions to this (i.e. being poorly treated) but for the most part it isn’t necessary and doesn’t solve the problem, often resulting in feelings of disappointment being embellished.
For me it feels amazing to finally be at a gender clinic that can help me achieve what I need. I am quite happy to go at my own pace as my transition has not been one of the easiest. If it wasn’t bad enough having to fight to get a place at the Laurels, I was then told on my first Dr’s appointment that I could no longer continue my treatment with them. I was then given the opportunity to start hormone treatment to give me a fighting chance while waiting to be seen by another GIC, only to find out that it couldn’t be prescribed due to an abnormality in my Lipid levels.
If it wasn’t for my amazing wife I don’t know what I would have done. She wrote a letter to WHSSC outlining exceptional circumstances as being the reason why I should be allowed to continue treatment at The Laurels. She has supported me through it all.
Why be in such a rush to get everything done as soon as possible?
In the past I have sat and thought ‘I shouldn’t have to be kept waiting for so long’, ‘its not fair’, ‘that should be me’ as I had seen so many people start their transition and have everything they want while I was still waiting to be seen by a GIC. By having all this time to think, I know that I have made the right decision.
I am quite happy to wait for any further appointments to arrive, no matter how long they take to turn up (even if the appointments have to be cancelled for no reason and have to be rearranged) because I know that no-one can take my place away from me. I guess the fight and struggle has helped me to appreciate what I have as I came close to having nothing.
I can’t wait to start hormone treatment. Experiencing all the changes that will happen while taking it one day at a time. I would prefer to take my time so my body gets into the best shape possible. I don’t mind how long it takes. Top surgery is not something I could rush into as it is my body and I want it to look how I imagine it, rather than something I rushed through by having the surgery too soon.
I know my day will come… Even if it takes twice as long as everyone else.